begin again

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
1st Peter 1:6-7 NIV1984

 

I cherish an opportunity for a fresh start; I even crave it sometimes.  It is all too easy to get caught up in all of the excitements and worries that life offers. I get distracted by both the good and the bad, and months later I find myself completely exhausted.  And even worse, I rarely realize that I have reached the end of my rope. I keep going until something major knocks me down and gets me on my knees again.

 

This weekend I attended the Women of Hope conference in Murfreesboro, TN - hosted by Healing Hands International (www.hhi.org).  I decided to attend on a whim, and it wasn’t until the end of the conference on Saturday that I realized how desperately I needed a fresh perspective on myself and my attitudes and a chance for a fresh start. God works in mysterious ways, my friends.

 

I confess:

I am worn out from all of the chaos and am thirsty for passion.  I allow my struggles overwhelm me and my spiritual and emotional obstacles have come to look like mountains I will never get to the summit of.  I allow my heart and my mind to get tangled up in an obsession with “fairness” and I forget the overwhelming grace that has been poured out on me.  I choose what I “know” over faith, and I silence the Holy Spirit within me.  I allow my circumstances to DEFINE, instead of REFINE me. 

 

I resolve:

I will let God be God, and I will be the malleable clay in the Potter’s hand. I will find ways to have joy in the midst of my grief, and I will try to focus on the things of eternal significance and not get so distracted by the unimportant. I will start new every morning because of God’s abundant grace, and share that freedom with others.

 

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the Lord has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

Lamentations 3:19-33 NIV1984

letting go and holding on

“Look at the nations and watch -
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.”
Habakkuk 1:5 NIV1984

Do you believe that God is good? Do you live like you believe it?

I don’t live like I do.  Sure, it sounds great, and I like to say it when it sounds like the right time.  But more often than not, the way I live my life betrays me.  I live faithlessly and out of my own power. I try to control too much and get in the way of experiencing God’s goodness.  All praise and honor to HIM who works out his will in spite of me.

I really do believe that God will do amazing things through people who ask him to.  But do I have the courage to trust his work in me? Or will I always be like Jonah, running away until the giant fish swallows me, and even after that, a reluctant servant? 

Living by faith requires courage. and commitment.

Occasionally I find the courage to step out in faith, and I am always, ALWAYS, immeasurably blessed by those faith steps. But still, I lack commitment. Soon enough, the waves of the world rise up against me and I am sinking, only to fight my way right back into the boat - Spewing water and gasping for air – disappointed in myself and ashamed of my failure.

“Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge HIM,
and HE will make your paths straight.”
Proberbs 3:5-6 NIV1984

 “This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”
1 John 3:19-20 NIV1984

Commitment to walking by faith doesn’t come easy, but we are promised that we will be given purpose! Purpose? Yes! What else does a “straight path” in your life mean? It means we can see the goal, we can see the direction of our lives and we know where we are headed.

 

Today, I choose to let go of my own plans and commit myself to God’s plans for me.  I choose to trust him when he tells me that he knows everything, and I choose to believe in the promise of purpose when I am able to submit myself to him completely.

transformed

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV1984

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Kaitlin.  And while you may think that the person writing now and the person who wrote the previous blog are the same, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sure, the old Kaitlin and the new one may share the same hair color and the same eye color. We may look more or less the same and share the same shoe size.  But the person speaking to you right now is transformed.

Restored.

This year has stirred a change in my heart.  I am shedding the old person ruled by fear and insecurity, leaving her to die, and, because of Christ, becoming a person who lives abundantly and loves endlessly.

“Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Ephesians 5:2 NLT

There are some people you meet and you just know they are too good for this world. You know that Satan is throwing his best and harshest blows at them, because they are far too pure for him to allow their influence on others. You know that he spends his days scheming on ways to tear them down, and then prevent their healing and restoration. He multiplies their suffering because he knows the damage it will do to countless others if only he can convince them to fail to remain holy and pure. Satan will not stop the attack, but God’s grace steps in and offers the reward that our dear ones have been so courageously faithful to.

This week I attended the funeral of Sara Walker, a courageous warrior in the fight against cancer, and an even more impressive champion in the battle against Satan. She, and my Daddy, who passed away in 2011, both had an affinity for the written word. Both believed that words and stories change people. Stories, when written, can be passed on and passed down, and that our stories of faith and victory in Jesus are infinitely powerful.  They knew this, and they never let their circumstances quench the fire that was ignited in their hearts. It is hard sometimes, but we know that these loved ones, and all the warriors of our faith, are ALIVE – they just aren’t here. Oh, to have the faith of a child!

I feel immeasurably blessed to have met Sara before she passed into her eternal reward. I am so humbled that God saw fit for her story to be so interwoven with mine. Long before I was ever born, God knew our stories and chose to bind them together – and for that, I will never forget her.  It is humbling to know that she is a major reason I am blessed with all that I am in my life in Nashville. Maybe I will someday be that blessing to someone else.

What an intimidating thing, to try to commit my story to typed words. It opens the door for all to see the things that God is doing in my heart and in my life. Obviously I can’t share it all right now, but someday, perhaps, it will all be right here.

Another story for another day.
Welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Love,
Kaitlin